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This is a Fic Mix (a sound track of songs for fan fiction). It is a summary of Inbetween Two States Series (Part 2): Not fear the Sky, a Evan Bourne/Jeff Hardy fanfic, totaling 20'400 words written by carnivouroslamb
"I like to think of a Fan Mix in these terms, if this fan fic was a movie then the songs listed would be the soundtrack. It would be the music that accompanies a scenes or plays during a scene."-saltwatergirl
Please note, this page contain spoilers to the whole story.
Chapter I-Desire Run
[SONG]"You were high when I meet you..." -Air Traffic by Louis XIV
[FIC]
It was almost a week before he saw Jeff again. There was a knock on his door, Evan opened it and found a smiling Jeff on the other side.
"You're high." It wasn't a question more like a statement. Evan really didn't know what to feel, anger, confusion or perhaps lust? Maybe the answer was all of the above, he hated MCQs.
"I was high when I met you." Jeff said. He held up a transparent packet containing a white powdery substance. "You want some?"
Chapter II-These Wings Were Stolen
[SONG] "I'm killing lonliness with you...killing lonliness turned my heart into a tomb...!" -Killing lonliness by HIM
[FIC]That was all Jeff could say to him after last week. Or maybe this is how people in Jeff's world treat people they had almost had sex with. Evan felt like he had enough of the whole charade. "Jeff, what are you doing here?" he demanded.
The expression that passed briefly on Jeff's face made Evan wonder if perhaps Jeff hadn't paused to ask himself that same question.
"I don't know." Jeff said, "I guess if I'm honest I could say I'm killing loneliness."
"So is that what you doing last week killing loneliness?" Evan asked. The entire thing with Jeff was beginning to make him angry.
Jeff didn't reply, instead he got up to help himself to Evan's beer. When he walked back into the room he was carrying two opened bottles, he handed one to Evan who took it silently. Jeff retrieved the packet he had dangled earlier out of his pocket and cut the white powder into lines on Evan's table. He then rolled a dollar bill and did half a line. He held out the dollar bill to Evan.
Chapter III-One Dollar at a Time
[SONG] "I think I meant have inhaled you, I can feel you behind my eyes, you've gotten into my blood stream..."- Blood stream by Statelees
[FIC]When Jeff's lips closed over his dick he realised that this was the first time they had been together with both of them completely sober and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol. He wondered whether it meant something that Jeff hadn't needed to numb himself first. He had for the longest time been afraid that the only time Jeff could ever allow himself to be with him was when he was under the influence of something. Maybe it was a triumph of sorts. A sign that maybe Jeff finally recognised them for what they were.
Later they had laid facing. Not saying anything just staring at each other, the sound of midday traffic, faint in the distance, and the slight hum of the AC unit filling the room. Evan wished that they could stay like that for a little. But then Jeff got up off the bed and lit a cigarette. With a flicker of a flame whatever had existed between them, what little that Jeff had allowed him to glimpse, was extinguished, and snuffed out of existence.
Chapter VI- Concrete Shoes
[SONG]"Been thinkng about you and there's no rest...so how can you sleep? Why should you care when I not there?" Thinking About You by Radiohead
[FIC] After the show Jeff returned to his hotel room. He was feeling restless; some of the guys had invited him to join them on a night out in the town. He declined; he wasn't in a 'check out the local honeys' mood. He threw his body in bed the instant he could. Reaching into his pocket he pulled his cell phone out, again he considered calling Evan.
He knew he was messed up. He didn't need therapy to figure that out. He might as well be wearing concrete shoes, for every step felt like a tiresome effort. Why did he even bother anymore? Things were over between him and Beth, Matt was being pigheaded and Evan didn't care anymore. He had finally seen just how fucked up Jeff really was and had decided that he wasn't worth all that effort.
He threw his cell phone at the wall.
Chapter V-Replace My Hope
[SONG]"You always find a way to keep me right here waiting, if choose to walk away I'll still be right here waiting"- Right Here by Staind
[FIC]After Cody left, Evan paced the room overcome with frantic restless energy. He just wanted Jeff to call, to tell him that he mattered. That he had always mattered. He punched the wall.
Chapter VI- The Place Where I Belong
[SONG]"I found empathy in lying down and never waking up"-Settle Down by The Dangerous Summer
[FIC]There was a saying that all roads lead to Rome. Jeff now believed that all roads lead to self-destruction, in his part anyway. They were touring Las Vegas, doing tapings of Smackdown and house shows, working almost every day it was frantic and everyone was excited. Las Vegas was everyone's favourite city apart from their own home towns. The WWE superstars spent the days gambling and boozing up with the local talent then after a show they hit the town scrawling the strip joints.
Chapter VI- The Place Where I Belong
[SONG]"The sun comes out and everything is all right"- Sun Comes Out by The Parolotones
[FIC] He kissed Jeff's forehead. They stood like that for a moment. Evan couldn't describe what he felt it was a sense that everything could be alright, that Jeff was here. Not in Las Vegas where he should be, but here, in this cold apartment, in his arms and that maybe they would never ever have to fear the night sky of fault or a ddiction or empty faith. They were here, like graffiti on subway trains, Katie was here, Ben was here. Jeff and Evan were here.
Chapter VII-Hit the Ground Running
[SONG]"You will fix all my cracked broken bones"-Black Poison Blood by Kill Hannah
[FIC]Cody looked at him with disdain, well it was mutual.
"It isn't enough that you have to fuck up your own career you have to bring Evan down with you."
"He didn't-"
Jeff cut whatever retort Evan was going to make, "I care about Evan."
Chapter VI- The Place Where I Belong
[SONG]"Have you ever been so lonley there'e no one there to hold? Just pull me in or disown me."- Black Orchid by Blue October
[FIC]Evan could feel that something was wrong. Jeff had stopped moving on top of him. He was now still, clinging onto him like lifeboat at sea. With his head on Evan's neck, mouthing something that he couldn't quite make out. Jeff was shivering like he was cold; Evan cupped his face, lifting his head to look at him.
"Please," Jeff whispered, his eyes a dark bottomless ocean of emotion.
[SONG]"I hear water drip from the facet I'm gently closing the closet and crawl to my room...the thought of ended it soon "- Black Orchid by Blue October
When he woke up he reached for Jeff to find nothing but a blank space. He felt around until his hand made contact with what felt like a sheet paper. Evan opened his eyes, the sun streamed in through the window temporarily blinding him. He brought the paper to his face and read it. It was Jeff's handwriting, there was nothing else written on the paper except one word, the word 'sorry"
[SONG]"I paid for these concrete shoes"- All you did was save my life by Our Lady Peace
[FIC]He first saw pills on the floor. Every kind of colour you could imagine, pills on the floor. There were empty bottles lying next to them. Now panicking with his heart pounding hard in his chest Evan stepped closer, he saw Jeff passed on the bathroom floor.
Chapter VIII-Diseased
[SONG]"If I decide that I'm alive...then I'm diseased and ungreatful, if I find that I'm alive the I'm diseased and ungreatful"- Diseased by Seether
[FIC]He was sorry. He was sorry that Evan had ever met him. He was sorry he couldn't love Beth the way she deserved to be loved. He was sorry he hurt Matt by stealing her from him. He was sorry his mother died while going to buy him a stupid bike. He was sorry he had disappointed everyone. He butted the cigarette out.
Chapter IX- A Place before the End
[SONG]"I'll give you everything if you only stay the same...forget everything...we'll make it through it"- Live another day by Watershed
[FIC]Or he could change, book himself into a program, be honest to himself for maybe the first time in his life, beg for forgiveness from the person who had saved his life. Plead for another chance to show Evan that he could be uncomplicated. He could tell Evan that he loved him and it wouldn't be a lie. For he felt it in his heart and his soul. Jeff Hardy loved Evan Bourne.
That instant he allowed himself to feel it, to not question his emotions or allow the internal critic to tell him he was a fool for believing, the rain abated. He sat at the bus stop watching traffic pass, watching mothers with their children and watching the sun as it gradually came out. And it was if the sun was rising for the first time in a decade because he saw it and he felt it. Its warmth washed away his guilt and all the self loathing that he felt and it was as if there was someone there telling him that it would be all okay.
And he believed it.
Inbetween Two States Series (Part 2):Not fear the Sky
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